Bon Bon: The Insider Elf

Elves are everywhere these days. We have Ernest J. Keebler baking us cookies and Snap, Crackle, and Pop joining in on breakfast. Gamers regularly hang out with Zevran, Firiona Vie, Malfurion Stormrage, and Tyrande Whisperwind. Readers and movie goers alike know Dobby and Legolas. At the end of the day, however, Elves are most commonly associated with Christmas – Will Farrell as Buddy the Elf (although he was human) and the Paul Soles’ voiced Hermey are possibly two of the most famous these days. For some reason, during the Christmas season, we always forget about Bon Bon the Elf. A classic tale for the ages, here’s a reminder of the intrigue, thrills, and reindeer that fill the story of Bon Bon: The Insider Elf.

To tell the story of Bon Bon, we have to go back a generation to his parents, Gumdrop and Glitter. They grew up in a different time, you were happy to have a job and you were loyal to your employer. Like all elves, they worked for Santa Claus. From a very young age, they learned, as all elves do, that it was the only career option available to them. You simply did not become the author of children’s books or a dentist (you can thank Hermey for breaking that glass ceiling). They were paid well… all the candy canes they could eat and eggnog (non‐alcoholic, of course) they could drink. After Santa finished delivering gifts, they’d get their Christmas bonus, a sugar cookie and thimble full of rum. It was a happy life and, like all elves, they wanted an elflet of their own.

Bon Bon was born and, like his parents before him, he was destined to work in Santa’s workshop. Bon Bon, however, wasn’t like the other elves. Instead of singing songs and going tobogganing, he played video games and explored cyber security. He didn’t look like the other elves either, he looked more like Santa Claus. Elves, however, simply go to work in the workshop, they don’t decide their future and one day, it happened, Bon Bon was a toy maker now.

As Bon Bon grew more and more unhappy, he started to pay attention to the operations at work, he wanted a challenge, somewhere he could do good. He was also tired of looking like Santa Claus’s Mini‐Me and tried every diet under the sun. Atkins, Paleo, Weight Watchers, Keto… have you ever tried a ketogenic diet when you’re paid with carbs?

The workshop had recently been modernized. The old process of visiting the Great Book and looking up the next child on the list was retired. Today, the elves all had computers and each child’s Christmas wish would load on the screen. The elves would verify their gift status – naughty or nice and, if they were nice, begin making their toy. If an elf wanted a status reviewed, they could call over a supervisory elf, who would log in and, if they deemed the child naughty or nice, change their gift status. This was a rare power that Santa bestowed on his top elves.

One day, Bon Bon watched as his supervisor typed in his password – Rudolph123. What an idiot! That night, Bon Bon explored the supervisor’s account. He discovered that performing a supervisory review of a worker elf’s assigned child wasn’t all that could be done. He could look up any child, anywhere in the world. Nobody but Santa should be able to do that! Bon Bon immediately started to write an email to notify Santa of the lack of database security. He stopped! He had stolen this account, he couldn’t admit to that. If he did, they would take him off toy trains and put him on top testing, and nobody wanted to sit and spin those things all day. He’d have to think about what to do next.

The next day, Bon Bon was thinking about how he should share this information when he was approached by his boss. “Bon Bon! Your quota is 50 trains, but you’ve only built 49 today. Get your head out of the cotton candy!” Bon Bon was infuriated, he exceeded his quota every day, but today he had more important things on his mind… the security of the workshop… of the North Pole… of Christmas! He’d show them.

Bon Bon knew that the naughty and nice list wasn’t about keeping children in line, these days humans had Elf on the Shelf (such an insult to Bon Bon’s kind) to help with that. The naughty and nice list was about resourcing, there simply weren’t enough elves to make toys for every child. What if that changed? What if suddenly, every kid was nice?

That night, Bon Bon, went to flip every child to nice when he realized his treachery would quickly be discovered. Instead, he found his way onto the Dark Web and began to post.

Are you worried you won’t get a gift this year? Has hanging out on the Dark Web put you on the Naughty list? Send 0.007 BTC to 1HEvEmquPddVJ7LqseK35avMUvpKxbFcSE. Let me help you get the toys that you feel you deserve!

The responses came pouring in, everyone wanted to be on the nice list. Bon Bon worked all night, powered by Jolt Cola and cackling like Agent Smith in The Matrix Revolutions, until he realized that it was time to report to the workshop.

Bon Bon smiled to himself as he assembled the toy trains, knowing that elves could never keep up with the demand he created. As Bon Bon sat there, so happy with himself, he failed to notice elven security approaching with a rather geeky looking elf. “Bon Bon, please come with us,”
said the one security guard as the other took him by the elbow and started to direct him out of the workshop. Bon Bon was confused and frightened, what could have gone wrong?

Seated in a small room, the geeky looking elf, whom Bon Bon had never seen before, cleared his throat and began to speak, “Bon Bon, we’ve been watching you for some time and we’ve been impressed with your knowledge. Why did you hack the database last night and create more work for our elves?” Bon Bon was startled, how did his unknown elf know what he had done? “Ah, I see you are confused. My name is Koda, but my friends call me Koder, I work on the Cyber Security team. Our change management software alerted us to a surprising large number of unexpected database changes last night. Upon reviewing our log management software, we identified the terminal in your home as the source.” Bon Bon was shocked, he had no idea that elves worked in computer security. “You see Bon Bon, every elf is required to put in their mandatory time in Santa’s Workshop, but once you have put in your service, you can pursue any number of other careers. We had our eye on you for our team, but after this, what are we to do?”

The changes were reverted, much to the delight of the workshop elves, who could return to a normal pace with the nice list reduced. In the North Pole, if you are an elf, you work for Santa and Bon Bon wasn’t keen to learn how to make cereal or chocolate chip cookies, so these days if you’re looking for him, you’ll find him in toy testing, spinning tops to make sure they don’t wobble.

Thankfully, the North Pole had a mature security program and Bon Bon was stopped before the changes made a real impact. A lack of security awareness on the part of employees and a single malicious individual can be catastrophic to an enterprise’s operations. Ensure that you are using Foundational Controls to minimize your attack surface today. Speaking of impacts, if you’re looking to make a positive impact this holiday season, the bitcoin address above belongs to War Child Canada. Founded in 1999, War Child Canada (WCC) helps children and women affected by war through education, economic opportunities, and legal support.

Posted by Tyler Reguly on Dec 21, 2018